is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
