my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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