her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
