i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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