it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
