i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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