Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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