I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
false alarm. still invincible.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
