He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
