If i could tip my vagina, i would.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
