thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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