dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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