He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
