You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
