I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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