Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
