So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize