a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
