His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
