I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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