the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
