I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
