It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
