The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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