Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Panties = found
Randomize
