dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
apparently the secret to your success is patron
they need to just BURY HIM!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
