I smell stomach acid.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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