He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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