Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?