If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
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Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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