If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!