i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY