I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."