I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
