next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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