Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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