i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
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