Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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