Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
