I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
