I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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