I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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