It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
