Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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