he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My penis needs a shock collar
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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