My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
