put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
