Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
