so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
