I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
