Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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