I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
