butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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