this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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