You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
