If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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