oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
