ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
