So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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