sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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