I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
