just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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