I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
