i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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