Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
