So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
