The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
