I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
