please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
