I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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